young children at our wedding issue... Help... (sorry long)

[Todd Z]

OK, with out sounding like a child hater here it goes.



Rachel and I are getting married this year. Almost 2 years ago when we got engaged we told Rachel's brothers that we do not want children at our wedding. Now at that time 2 of the 3 brothers had kids. Those kids will be 10, 5 and 3.

Since then 2 of the 3 brothers have had more kids which will all be 2 and 3 when the wedding happens.



The brothers are trying to guilt us into letting them bring the kids to the wedding.



1) They claim they cant get off work.

2) They claim they cant bother the wifes parents to watch the kids

3) 1 brother doesn't talk to the wifes family

4) 1 brother has 4 kids and 2 brothers have 2



Now the older brother with 2 kids, his wife is not making the out of state trip to stay home with the young baby, so we said since the 1 kid will be 11 years old, She can come in the wifes place...



The time off work I feel is BS.... ANY boss will let you off work to go to your sisters wedding.....



The parents not watching is BS because they have gone on vacations and other trips leaving the kids home..

PLUS who will say no to watching kids for the persons sisters wedding ??? seriously.....



Our reasons for not wanting the kids are: ( As well as not asking any of them to be my groomsman)



1) disruptions in the church

2) disruptions in the reception

3) the brothers dumping the kids on Rachel's mom (grandma) when she should be enjoying seeing her daughter get married

4)we are over the 100 person invite ( wedding package is for 100 )

5)worrying about kids getting hurt at the reception

6) the reception hall wants full price for any aged kid... ( $175.00 a person)



We are standing our ground and 2 of the 3 brothers refuse to get baby sitters or have some one watch the kids and said they will not come if we don't allow kids..



I don't want to allow 1 kid, then I have to let them all....



I personally could care less if rachels brothers are there or not....



also they only live 2.5 hours away, so they could drop the kids off with some one at 11 am,,,, come here and leave at 9pm and be back home at 11PM to pick the kids up...

IT is not even a whole day that they need to find some one to watch them...



Whatcha all think ???

are we being PITA, or what?



This is our day, we would like it the way we want it...

Thanks in advance

Todd & Rachel

 

[John Zuber]

Todd, be honest..your statement of "personally could care less if they are there or not"..it certaintly sounds like you do care. And if you don't want kids there, then don't. Its your wedding, and your money. The truth is that a lot of parents don't take care of their kids. See in in church, stores, resturants, etc all the time. Good luck

 

[dimas C]

Todd,

This is an event that you both have chosen to plan and it appears that you have some clear expectations. I would expect that you will be looking back years from now with fond memories of this day (the same way we all do). It looks like you have covered all angles of this subject with rationale. Yours is not the first wedding to limit guests by age or number. Last, it is your wedding - not anyone else's - hold your ground.

 

[shawn stonbraker 2]

In one word, NOPE!!! It is your day, you can have it any way you want.



My wife and I did the same thing. Nobody had a problem with it. We have even gone to quite a few weddings that were the same way and we have 2 children. We even went to one where they said the children could go to the reception, just not the wedding. (found a sitter anyway) We had no problem with going without our children. I would not want it to be my child that sat back there and talked the whole time. Kids will NOT sit that long without making noise. In my opinion, you have the right to have the wedding the way you want and if they don't like it, then don't come. Like you said, they have to be watched and that takes away from someone else having a good time. Plus at the reception, in my opinion, things can happen that little kids don't need to see.



Stand your ground Todd. It is your wedding and it should be memorable and how you want it to be. If you let one, you might as well let them all. You will just have the ones who's kids didn't go, bitching about it.

 

[Jeff C]

Leave them all with Paul H. :lol:



It's your day, do it the way you want, and don't let anyone guilt you into changing your stance.

 

[Paul H]

LOL Jeff!!!.



Stand your ground. Its your day and you want to enjoy it.

If here brothers are that selfish and stay home because

of this it is there loss.

Paul H.

 

[Rodger Tellefson]

Just very kindly say that as much as you would like for them to be there here's the reason's why we are asking you to not bring them. True, it is your wedding, but you don't want to start any family feuds either. You could tell 'em that the will be a family gathering, at your house, at a time of your discresion later on where the kids will be welcome.



1)we are over the 100 person invite (wedding package is for 100)

2) the reception hall wants full price for any aged kid... ($175.00 a person)

 

[gary s]

as usual, it's all about you. !!!

tell everyone to lock the kids in the shed and enjoy the night :lol:

 

[Casey B]

My wife and I did not allow children either, only the ring bearer and flower girl. Some people were offended, but we were not interrupted throughout the entire ceremony. I'm glad we made the decision and stuck to it. The reception was different and we didn't mind the kids coming there.



As others have said it's your special day. Some kids are well behaved but that doesn't make up for the 1 who will show out and ruin your moment.

 

[Scott Doughtie]

Why don't ya'll just wait until the kids become teenagers...

 

[CountyMounty]

You would think that anyone would make sacrifices for their sisters big day. It is very common practice to not have children at the wedding. It is the polite thing for the parents to determine if the children are welcome or not sometimes based on what the invites say or to ask but it sounds like you made this clear from the start. Many people do not allow children at the wedding but will allow them at the reception which just mains someone ends up watching all the kids for an hour or two during the wedding time, the hard part is finding that someone to watch them and miss the wedding. Generally this could be a family member that is not real close like a cousin or two takes the kids to Chucky Cheese or something. This is a good compromise and generally all will understand and the kids will get to be a part of the day too. It sounds like your reception is kind of fancy so I could see why you might not want kids there. We had a formal wedding but a fairly laid back reception, basically just a big family celebration with a buffet and some music and dancing so we had no problem with kids at the reception. We were supposed to take off from the recption in a hot air balloon and wanted all the kids there and to release balloons when we left but the weather ruined that. We did not request that children not attend the ceremony but very few brought young kids At the reception there were kids running everywhere and it was fun, there was plenty of open space for them to run around and play in, but as I said it was not a formal event. The bottom line is it is your day and your choice. Hopefully everyone will understand.

 

[Rich Stern]

Jeanne and I had a very small wedding (35 people). We were dirt poor at the time and couldn't afford much. To cut the list down to that few, we had to draw the line at immediate family, and a small circle of friends and coworkers. Therefore, we had to exclude aunts, uncles, and cousins.



Fifteen years later, I still feel badly about leaving out people I care about.



So, my advice is, if you can swing it, don't leave out any family who will be around and might be important to you for the next 50 or so years. If you don't have kids of your own, it may be your nieces and nephews who care for you when you are old.

 

[2]

Another vote for holding your ground. I wouldn't have wanted children at our wedding either. As a kid I remember having to stay home for the majority of weddings that my parents attended, it was never an issue for them.

 

[Chris Kulbaba]

I think weddings are all about family. The kids should have been invited before the friends or aquaintences.

 

[Keith Lewis]

It's your wedding, you make the rules. One easy way to go about it would be to have her mother enforce it (everyone listens to Mom :wub: )

 

[Ryan D]

I have to agree with you on this one Todd . .no kids if you dont want em . .They should support their sister and what not .

 

[Roy Smith]

Tell them all to KISS Y"ALLS BUTTS,this is your day, not a rugrat day---just elope!!!!

 

[J Piroth]

There's nothing wrong with excluding kids, and nobody should expect you to give up what you want for their convenience.



Just to save you some hassle, would it be possible to set up some kind of babysitting/childcare service in your town where they could drop the kids before the festivities and pick them up afterwards?

 

[Thomas Rogers]

Kid should be allowed at the wedding (it's a church...not a private place), and the reception should be adult only if that's what the happy couple want.



That seems like a good compromise to me, Todd. It sounds like you are most worried about the kids at the reception and the burden and the cost involved, and you should want them to be able to be at the wedding to see the ceremony as they are family.



Nuff said!



TJR Out!

 

[Justin L]

not for nothing but some of the best weddings ive ever been to have allowed children of any age to attend both ceremony and reception. kids are a part of life, a part of the family and i do not agree with keepiong them out. people wonder why kids are so messed up. i think its becasue of stuff like this. i agree wiht its your wedding and u should make the rules i just think u should change the rules. this is just my opinion. i still wish u the best with your wedding u should just reprioritze your priorities. a "perfect" wedding or a wedding to rememebr wiht your freinds and family (all of them) becasue the children are part of the family too. i really mean no offence by this and i hope u dont think im steping out of line just stating an opinion.



Justin