Off topic: some "in law" advice needed

[Thomas Rogers]

Olaf, that email seems more like a sister in mourning projecting and venting than anything else, and that's normal.



Our time on this world is brief, and no one knows how long it will last. We can't control that. What we can control is how we react to situations and how we treat those we love while we are here.



No matter what, I think the whole family should believe that your girlfriend would want this experience to bring the family closer together, not further apart.



TJR

 

[Bill V]

Olaf, any chance that there are any other possibilities, that might make everyone happy? So far, I've only heard "spread all the ashes in the mountains", or "spread most of them in the mountains, and bury a few in a cemetary". But might there be another option--such as spread most of them in the mountains, and let her mom keep a few in an urn at her house, or in a locket? That way, you're respecting your girlfriend's wishes to not be in a cemetary or buried in Calgary, you're respecting the sister's wishes to not have a headstone, and you're respecting her mom's wishes to have part of her in a location where she can more readily/easily visit her.



And there may be even other possibilities out there, that allow for everyone's wishes to be honored (at least in part).



Good luck with whatever happens. You're in our thoughts.

 

[2]

Bill V - I shall discuss the locket idea with the siblings and see what they think.

 

[Keith Lewis]

 

[Rodger Tellefson]

Olaf, If you read mine (above) I also suggested that her mom keep some of her ashes in an urn in mom's house, but I think I like the locket idea even better. Best wishes, and prayers to you in this matter.

 

[2]

Rodger-she doesn't want the urn in her house, so that isn't an option.



I'll see what happens this weekend and provide an update.

 

[Rodger Tellefson]

My feeling is that if the mom does not want an urn in her house, then she is probably not going to go for the locket either. Again our prayers are with you and her family in this matter. :blink:

 

[TomT]

I agree with what TJR said. Compromise is a good thing. It may not be the right decision but it's the best thing to do.

 

[Bill V]

OK, I can't even believe I'm about to suggest this, but it's really late, and I've had a couple drinks, and if you can get past the ethical issues, by golly, it just might work--if you don't have qualms about flat out lying to you mother-in-law, and if you can trust your girlfriend's siblings to keep a secret for the rest of their lives...



About a year ago, we had a cat that needed to be put to sleep at the vet. We took the vet's recommendation and had them take care of proper disposal of the body. After we had the vet do that, our daughter decided she wanted to have a burial. Problem--no body. So we told her that we had the ashes, and we let her bury them in the garden. But she really buried the remains of a burnt newspaper.



So--if the siblings can keep a secret, you could let mom bury some ashes--and let her think that they're your girlfriend's ashes. Everyone else would know the truth. Obviously, if she ever learned the truth, there would be hell to pay. But if that never happens, then everyone would be happy....



I admit, it's completely loaded with problems, and if you feel it's an insensitive ploy, I apologize. But if not--I know a lot of families where this would not only work, but this kind of ploy is standard practice, throughout their lives...

 

[walter clark]

You dont get all the ashes and remains back from the cremation process anyway. Only a portion of the sum total is actualy givin to the families for interment and or funerary services. The rest is gotten rid of by the creamortorium.

 

[2]

Bill V, no apology needed.