In the year 2013, the Lord came unto Noah, Who was now living in America
and said:
"Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see
the end of all flesh before me."
"Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few
good humans."
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying:
"You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending
rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard
- but no Ark."Noah!," He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is
the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed."
"I needed a Building Permit."
"I've been arguing with the Boat Inspector about the need for a
sprinkler system."
"My homeowners association claim that I've violated the
Neighborhood by-laws by building the Ark in my back yard and exceeding
the height limitations. We had to go to the local Planning Committee for
a decision."
"Then the City Council and the Electricity Company demanded a shed load
of money for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead
obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told
them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear none of it."
"Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local
trees in order to save the Greater Spotted Barn Owl."
"I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to
save the owls - but no go!"
"When I started gathering the animals, PETA took me to court. They
insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They
argued the accommodations were too restrictive and it was cruel and
inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space."
"Then the Environmental Protection Agency ruled that I couldn't build
the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on Your
proposed flood."
"I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights
Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building
crew."
"The Immigration Dept. Is checking the visa status of most of the people
who want to work."
"The labor unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire
only union workers with ark-building experience."
"To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm
trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species."
"So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to
finish this ark."
"Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine and a rainbow
stretched across the sky."
Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to
destroy the world?"
"No," said the Lord. " The Government beat me to it."
