Darrel Chaney01
Well-Known Member
I got these 2 lists from Strangecosmos.com. They may be funny but, unfortunately many are sadly true.
Strange New Stock Market Definitions
Broker: What you become after investing in dot com stocks.
Bull: What comes out of your stockbroker's mouth.
Bear: What your brokerage account becomes after investing in Enron.
Short: What you end up being after shorting stocks in your portfolio.
Bond: A thing you used to have between you and your stockbroker before he lost your money.
Call: What a stockbroker does when he has a hot tip for you.
Tip: What you won't be leaving your waiter, if you invest based on his hot stock ideas.
Over the Counter: Where you'll be getting your food from when you go out to dinner, after losing your money in the stock market.
Volume: What you turn up on the radio when the financial report comes on.
Updated" Stock Market Terms & Phrases
NEW STOCK MARKET TERMS {set 2}
CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use.
Strange New Stock Market Definitions
Broker: What you become after investing in dot com stocks.
Bull: What comes out of your stockbroker's mouth.
Bear: What your brokerage account becomes after investing in Enron.
Short: What you end up being after shorting stocks in your portfolio.
Bond: A thing you used to have between you and your stockbroker before he lost your money.
Call: What a stockbroker does when he has a hot tip for you.
Tip: What you won't be leaving your waiter, if you invest based on his hot stock ideas.
Over the Counter: Where you'll be getting your food from when you go out to dinner, after losing your money in the stock market.
Volume: What you turn up on the radio when the financial report comes on.
Updated" Stock Market Terms & Phrases
NEW STOCK MARKET TERMS {set 2}
CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use.
