A little Airline Humor

[Kevin Palmer]

Some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.



By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.



P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

> >

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

> >

P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.

> >

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.

> >

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

> >

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

> >

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.



P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what friction locks are for.

> >

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

> >

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.

> >

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

> >

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

> >

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

> >

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

> >

P: Noise coming from under! instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.

 

[Paul H]

LOL!!!!!! cant believe any of these to funny!!!:lol::lol:

 

[Ryan Schaecher]

I saw these when I was an engineer for American Airlines. Sad thing is many of these are very true. Even sadder is the fact that there are many more like them

 

[Greg Grimes01]

:lol::lol::lol::lol:

 

[Fred]

:lol::lol:

 

[yankeegator]

I once got written up at a dealership I used to work for:



Customer complaint was "Whining noise from passenger side"; my suggested repair was "Begin divorce proceedings."



My service mgr somehow didn't see the humor....

 

[Richard Kolb]

Reminds me of when I worked in a Drug store. I had to setup an end cap with prune juice, prunes, and something else. The manager wanted my idea for something else, so I loaded the top shelf with Charmin. At least he got that joke

 

[Pat Freeman]

Ah, the squawk sheet. I fly so I look to see if there had been anything weird going on with the rental plane prior to me flying it. It took 2 years to find anything funny but I finally saw "Problem: GPS screen not displaying anything. Solution: Turned GPS dimmer to bright." Stupid pilots...

 

[Bill V]

There's a snopes.com article about this list. No, I'm not mentioning it to debunk the authenticity of this thread--they actually say that the accuracy of the list is undeterminable. But they do include other entries from an earlier list that made it's way around the internet, that are just as funny, and definitely worth checking out:

 

[TomT]

Hmmm. Kind of like taking the ST in for warranty work.

 

[Kevin Palmer]

I posted it simply for the humor. Does not really matter to me if it is true or not.

 

[Dallas Starr]

That is porbably the funniest thing I read in years.... hahahahahahahahahahahaha

 

[P M]

That's funny stuff! I can vouch that aircrew do occasionally have brain farts and write up stupid maintenance forms and crusty old maintainers don't hesitate to point out our stupidity. All in fun!:lol:

 

[Ryan Schaecher]

Defect: Turn & slip indicator ball stuck in center during turns.

Action: Congratulations. You just made your first coordinated turn!