31 Things You Won't Hear A Southener Say

[Gavin Allan]

31 Things You Won't Hear A Southener Say



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31. When I retire, I'm movin' north.

30. Oh I wouldn't dare; she's only sixteen.

29. I'll take Shakespeare for $1000, Alex.

28. Duct tape won't fix that.

27. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken with a slice of lime.

26. We don't keep no guns in this house.

25. You can't feed that to the dog.

24. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.

23. Wrestling is fake.

22. We're vegetarians.

21. Do you think my gut is too big?

20. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits, grits, and gravy.

19. Honey, we don't need another dog.

18. Who gives a sh** who won the Civil War?

17. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.

16. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.

15. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.

14. Trim the fat off that steak.

13. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.

12. The tires on that truck are too damn big.

11. I've got it all on the C: DRIVE.

10. Unsweetened tea tastes better.

9. My fiance, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.

8. I've got two cases of Zima iced down for the Super Bowl.

7. Checkmate!

6. She's too young to be wearing that bikini.

5. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.

4. I don't have a favorite football team.

3. Youse Guys.

2. Those cutoffs ought to be a little longer, Betty Mae.



AND THE NUMBER ONE THING THAT YOU WILL NEVER HEAR A SOUTHERN GUY SAY:



1. Nope, no more beer for me. I'm drivin' a whole busload of us down to help in the Hillary Campaign.



:banana:

 

[Frank screwyourednecks]

32. I think 145 hand guns may be too many



33. This toothpaste really works well



34. I think religion and government should be separate



35. Science is useful in todays world



36. I think that evolution is a viable theory



37. Global climate change may be influenced by human activities



38. President Obama has a fine educational background



39. This meth lab seems a little bit dangerous



40. I will shop local and pay a few cents more instead of going to the Wal Mart



41. Thank you Northerners for re building our highways, bridges and infrastructure after we lost the war



42. Thank you Northern cities for all of the technology, art, science, culture, steel, cars, engineering, labor laws, the weekend, paid holidays, etc.. we will show our appreciation by never voting for a candidate that is in our own best interests..ever



43. It could go on forever...

 

[H D]

44. I sure wish Frank would move next door.

 

[Richard L]

Gavin, Very funny! :bwahaha::bwahaha:



Frank, Not so much:throwup:



Hugh....Good point ! that would surely increase the suicide rate !



...Rich

 

[Frank screwyourednecks]

Well we barely made the airport for the last plane out

As we taxied down the runway I could hear the people shout

They said "Don't come back here Yankee"

But if I ever do-

I'll bring more money

'Cause all she wants to do is dance



Don Henley

 

[OLE442]

Hey Frank....how's that Sport Trac doing?

 

[EddieS'04]

If his Trac is anything like his mouth. It is a garbage pail by now...:bwahaha:

 

[H D]

It must be tiring to be so hate filled and consumed by how other people live their lives.



Y'all should have seen our fireworks this year. We may have to charge admission next year, lol. We may have rivaled our city's display. You'll never hear a Southerner say, "y'all went overboard on celebrating freedom."



No police or fire department visits and nobody injured.



Nobody told me I grilled too much food either. I'll be eating burgers and watermelon all week!

 

[blksn8k]

I grew up in PA and I wouldn't say none a that crap neither. As a matter of fact, I just ordered me anudder gun too. :bwahaha:

 

[H D]

My parents moved here from PA. You'd be welcome.

 

[EddieS'04]

Ima Texas born and raised. I love it when we can make fun of ourselves. Then there are the Franks' of this world, that dont get it.......:bwahaha:

 

[Frank screwyourednecks]

Eddie, Texas is not really known as a tolerant progressive stronghold. My view of the WORLD is assuredly more accurate and accepted than the good ole boy crap that seems to drip out of the lone star state.



If Texas brought forth a referendum to secede from the union...Id vote for it.



Id love to see it...the arrogance that is perpetuated by some down there would be fixed once Texas was on their own and subsequently crumbled. The ole belief that Texas is its own bad-ass territory is ridiculous. what do you have down there?



All culture, science, technology, art, infrastructure and innovation comes from the big cities bro.



Texas is like the Amish with cowboy hats and racism

 

[H D]

Have you actually been to Texas or are you talking out of your ass? It's a whole heck of a lot more diverse than Indiana.



All your food and fuel comes from producers.



You can keep your "culture." I've been around the world and there is little culturally redeeming qualities of America's biggest cities. The rest of the world doesn't hate us because they visit small town USA. They hate us because they visit the big cities and read about our government run by clowns.

 

[Frank screwyourednecks]

There are issues in Chicago no doubt. Detroit Cleveland Gary...etc...



Look at Detroit as an example...drive across a 100 yard bridge into adjacent Windsor...no murders.. Economy healthy, no ghetto culture.



Its an American thing. The government (controlled and bought by corporations) have eliminated Unions and with it the middle class. Our country WANTS two classes not 3.



Its not a coincidence my southern friends, that the American people are at odds with one another..when we are not united, the man can get whatever he wants. Its by design...wake up.



The south is holding the country down with their backwards beliefs and ways

 

[Duane Foster]

Anyone who thinks all technology and innovation comes from the cities has obviously never spent any time around farmers. Most of them can do a lot more with a lot less than city people. I saw a program on NOVA a few years ago about the quick grow and innovation in the development of jets and the aeronautics industry following WWII. It said the fast development of jet planes and then the space program was due almost entirely to the farmers who joined the Air Force in WWII and stayed in after the war. The scientists had already decided supersonic and space flight were impossible. Nobody told that to the farmers-turned-engineers and they made it happen. Knowing farmers the way I do, they would have put extra effort into making it happen if someone told them it was impossible.

 

[H D]

And how do you go about fostering unity Frank? I've seen no such effort. You are the problem and you don't even realize it.

 

[EddieS'04]

Hugh,

Frank is proof that simple single minded people. Can come from anywhere. Sometimes I feel the north is still at war.

I give credit to the north and north east as our first industrialized nation. That was 2 hundred years ago. There go is where America began. We are an east to west, north to south country now. Many different Ideas'. Sometimes good, sometimes bad ones. From all corners of this nation.



There are engineers, scientist and men and woman in every state north and south that have and do everyday contribute to the advancment of this union and the world. Open eyes can see that, ,everywhere in this country where there are the resources needed. The contributions are tremendous.



If anyone is holding this country back it is our career polititions, there pork and pocket lining. Most of all IMO. Someone to vote for that is really for whole country. That didnt come from big $$$$. Also will not be swayed by a party line. Dems, Rebu, indep, dum dums, whatever.



Im of the belief that there are some very inteligent men and woman. That could lead the whole country in the direction of continuity of our fore fathers. Peace between us all and better conditions. Than the ones we are headed towards. The problem is they have no big $$$$$$$$$$, and dont belong to the right clubs.

This nation is divided by something other than where we are born and raised.

 

[Gavin Allan]

There are issues in Chicago no doubt. Detroit Cleveland Gary...etc...



Look at Detroit as an example...drive across a 100 yard bridge into adjacent Windsor...no murders.. Economy healthy, no ghetto culture.

All once great cities ruined by democrats and liberal ways...

 

[Richard L]

Excellent point Gavin, :supercool:

Now see my post about David Letterman's "Top 10 reasons to vote Democrat" :bwahaha:



...Rich

 

[Kyle Hadfield]

Wow, I thought he was joking but after reading a few of his posts- I'm a bit disgusted. The blind leading the blind. That is the reason this once great FREE country isn't so much free anymore. There really is not much you can say to the sheeple to see, I mean actually see. It still amazes me how common sense and thinking for yourself (researching for yourself the truth and not just what you been told or lead to believe) is so rare, makes you wonder if it even exists anymore.